Friday, February 20, 2009
ok i just fell into another dimension when i was lying on my bed. i was brought back by a familiar sound. i opened my eyes and look at where the sound was coming from, there was light in a rectangle. there was this flashing orange box, one moment it was blue, it turned orange the other. the phonomenon was repeating, it was kinda harsh on my mind. i reached out to my keyboard to press the 2 and 'enter' key but the sound came again after a while. i had to stand on my feet to face this but the as i tried to i was sitting down on my butt before i noticed it. then i rested my finger on the round thing and it clicked as i applied pressure on it. a rectangle popped up in the rectangle of light, i pressed the letters in front of me in accordance "im not going for practice tmr".
people change. people change cause time changes. remember what you said about the who-ha? now look who are you to the who-ha. do you still think that way? or did the who-ha changed it? you gotta let me know what's on your mind cause i cant read your mind. Is what you're having with the who-ha real? or is it as fake as what you said about the who-ha? Tell me before i take things into assumption and view things as it seems. i dont want to be a fool.
and im seriously thinking about me, myself in the group. i feel great about drums but i dont feel the spirit anymore, the team spirit. is it because two of my good friends have shaved themselves bald and gone into monastery filled with firearms?
there is so little soul in the group now. i cant feel much of it now. a lot's different now, i now see someone doing nothing during practice and holds a notebook like a badge of excuse. there is also the one who does things so lifelessly, i cant be motivated to do things by looking at him at all.
and then there are the 'small ones', they lack skill. they are so far back in terms of that and i totally do not want to go through the stage of breaking through in terms of tempo/rush issues. i've had it with the 'old ones' and we've comed a long way to finally be able to be in quite some control to be able to feel the music. they are just like how we started off, they feel uneasy while in rests and tend to strike early just because they feel uneasy in rests.
seriously i dont want that shit, mr cock said we need to grow a lot stronger in this year. hah how the fuck is that going to happen? fuck you and your fucking rusty mind. you dont have screws loose in your mind, you have alot of screws in your mind as tight as a bank vault door! i know i have ranted on this a lot of times before but it keeps coming to my mind cause it is so screwed up. you probably know that by seeing how my f words come up more often when i mention this topic.
i am going to be extremely honest, when i listen to your bullcrap i think to myself what a wonderful world can i really stay here? i cant tolerate this crap any longer, i've had it so many times. im frustrated, we're going no where.
and yeah, its hard. i can just pretend im okay with everything and just go on like that. its hard to stand up for what i believe, its like living in germany during 1940s. i miss ann and ong, they seems to light things up. its so funny that i actually realise more when people are gone.
