yes life has been a fucking rollercoaster this week.

i thought today was a great day for a change.

cheerful friends who pester me just the right amount to make me feel existant but not irritate me and tolerates my random punching. sorry for punching your backbone by accident, bert.

and wow, zac actually turned around and responded to me when i called him while he was leaving the train. well we exchanged goodbyes with eye contact today.

i feel so alive today. i felt even more alive just a while ago.

my school sent an attendance warning letter to my mom and she scolded me like what she'll do anyway. yes i have been trying really hard to get my fucking lazy ass up in the morning and go to school on time and try not to skip any lessons but who'd believe me? the letter is evident enough that im just a 18 year old with a childish mindset who doesnt want to go to school and just wants to play.

yes its a lonely road. i really fear being alone. i hate the feeling that no one is there to support me, just saying some simple motivational words to push me. the moment i realised no one really knows how i feel, a lot of emotions start to gush into my mind. and i feel so alive, so full of emotions. all mixed up together. sometimes i wanna cry, sometimes i wanna punch my tv screen, sometimes i really lose hope. can i really take this? can i really be this alive?

well i know im almost at my limit. i cant handle any more shit, i might just snap.

haha, like a rubberband right, nu er?

ok im going to bathe and sleep now.

i might just cry myself to bed tonight.

good night to any of you. it probably wont be a good one for me.